DNA test makes it hard to hide sperm-donor secret

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Community

August 19, 2019 - 10:04 AM

Dear Carolyn: My mother conceived both my brother and me using a sperm donor. This information was never kept from us, and my mother has spoken openly about it throughout our lives. My stepdad adopted us.

Recently, I was discussing taking an ancestry test and my mother revealed to me her sister and my uncle had troubling conceiving, and my cousin is also a sperm-donor child. They, however, have not disclosed this to her; my uncle was the source of infertility and did not want her to know (he has some ego issues). This is apparently a big secret nobody knows outside of my mom, aunt and uncle.

My mom asked me not to post publicly about my ancestry test, lest my cousin get curious and want to take one, outing her parents. I am deeply uncomfortable with this; as a fellow sperm-donor child, I feel an obligation to tell her, but I am concerned about destroying my relationship with my aunt and uncle. What am I to do? — Concerned Cousin

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