Don’t want to be biological dad’s dirty secret

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Community

November 4, 2019 - 9:19 AM

Dear Carolyn: At the ripe old age of 45, I am both excited and happy to have found my biological father through DNA testing. He abandoned my mother and me shortly after I was born so I have no illusions about the past. But I want to get to know him and my half-sister. He has shared his medical history with me, which I really appreciate.

Other than my mother, everyone in my family, even my adoptive father, is extremely supportive of me establishing a relationship with him, and even my mom says she doesn’t want to stand in my way. My bio-father and I email daily and share stories of our lives. He is apologetic about what he did, reassuring that he is happy I found him, etc.

My only concern is that he refuses to tell his wife about my existence. They are both in their mid-60s and in good health and could live many more years — long enough to see my children have children. I don’t expect to be immediately (or ever) invited into the fold of their family. I don’t want or need money from them.

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