Dear Carolyn: I cant seem to get out of this pit of negativity about myself. I only hear the negatives people say about me; for example, I had a huge presentation at work, got several genuine complements, and all I heard was one persons very mild criticism that I brushed too close to an issue our office does not discuss/handle. I constantly feel the need to apologize for anything and everything, even if its just that someone got upset at a situation, not at me.
Even when my husband says something just to be ridiculous or silly hes a bit of a comedian I feel like it was my fault and did something wrong, so Ill start apologizing for his silly, made-up situation. He tries to help but refuses to acknowledge that I think I suck at everything and Im worthless, which can frustrate me which frustrates him, which I then apologize for … and the cycle continues.
He is wonderfully supportive and provides me a lot of help, even when I dont hear him saying it.
What are some strategies, other than just think positively! to bring myself out of this pit? Feeling Worthless
Answer: This is a mental health issue and not just another way in the long line of ways you feel youve let yourself down. Truly.
So, I wont offer strategies because that negative inner voice isnt just the result of a failure to work on myself correctly or hard enough.
What you describe is what our brains do to us when theyre out of balance and need medical attention. Its no different from the way our backs hurt when we strain them.
So get a full screening, for anxiety and depression to start. Appointments with good mental health providers can be scarce (or a complete nonissue, depending on where you live and who you know, of course), so if you cant connect with someone right away, make an appointment with your general practitioner and say youre struggling with negative thoughts and a sense of worthlessness.
A huge presentation, by the way, suggests you have an employer of the type that offers an Employee Assistance Program. If so, then thats the fastest path to care.
Dear Carolyn: After a birth, is it okay to set family limits for visiting? Were both from divorced families and were feeling overwhelmed with the prospect of entertaining four sets of parents as well as siblings. I guess were seeing our much-needed maternity/paternity leave slipping away without our getting to know each other as parents or knowing our new baby. Can we politely ask people to come on our chosen dates? Expecting
Answer: Yes. You can also politely not budge. Congratulations, both on the new baby and the sane priorities.
