Dear Carolyn: My husband and I are expecting a baby via gestational carrier. The surrogate is my husbands cousin, who has kids of her own and very generously offered to help us when we learned it would be life-threatening for me to get pregnant.
My friends are throwing me a baby shower next weekend. Its one of few normal things I get to do as an expectant mom, even though its technically a modification of a regular baby shower. (For one thing, there will be cocktails and Ill get to enjoy them.) The hosts asked me if I would like to invite the surrogate, who lives nearby and would almost definitely come. They suggested they could do something special to include her.
I owe them an email and I am gripped with a sick, guilty feeling. I dont want her there. I feel as though having her there will just throw a spotlight on the fact that she gets to carry my baby and I dont. I am already faced with reminders of this daily, and I didnt want there to be more of them at this shower.
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