Mom worries about daughter’s financial future

"You say nothing, because it’s not your business. And because the couple are clearly already talking about these things, since she has all the relevant details to give you."



August 10, 2020 - 8:56 AM

Dear Carolyn: My oldest daughter, who is pretty, intelligent, kind and hard-working, has been dating a guy who cares for her but has college loans he won’t pay off for 15 more years. She has no student loans because we paid for her college. He has a decent job and salary, but she makes more even though she is three years younger. He has to penny-pinch to afford his loan payments.

Carolyn HaxCourtesy photo

This doesn’t impact her much now because they don’t live together. While I certainly know she is an independent adult and would not tell her who to date, I want to caution her that marrying him would mean a lifetime of having to penny-pinch. I don’t think she realizes what she would have to give up to marry him, such as buying a house, nice vacations, the ability to afford a dog or have her children play a travel sport like she did or pay for her children’s college educations. We worked so hard for her to be financially stable, and now that could all be at risk.

What, if anything, should I say to her, and how do I say it without seeming like I’m telling her to break up with him over money?

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