Friendships change, but it’s possible to stay graceful

Friends reconnected, then busted after hurtful text. Now, she wants to reach out again.

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June 15, 2020 - 9:21 AM

Dear Carolyn: So. Here’s my dilemma: I’ve been friends with someone since middle school. Like blood. Always at one another’s houses.

I went through some difficult family issues for a number of years and “went dark” — although she’d never actually contacted me during this time — while I dealt with them. A few years ago we reconnected and spent a wonderful day together that felt like old times. I explained the reasons I’d been out of touch, and she shared some of her own struggles and said she understood. I left feeling elated; I’d found my friend again!

That night I get a text she’d meant to send to her husband, saying what a “mess” my family was. There was more to it, but that’s the gist of it. I was devastated and texted her back. She wanted to talk that night, and I just could not — too busy crying and reconsidering decades of friendship.

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