Give your feelings time to gestate



December 2, 2019 - 9:15 AM

Dear Carolyn: I’m not even sure how to start this because I feel like a terrible person getting myself into this situation. I recently got engaged to a great guy — kind, responsible, outstanding human being. Because we are both 40, we immediately tried for a child, and, joy and surprise, I immediately got pregnant.

I’m overjoyed about the baby. However, despite the fact our relationship is going smoothly, I’m not feeling any desire to actually .?.?. get married. In fact, I’ve been waking up dreaming about a former boyfriend and wishing I were marrying him, and I am feeling painfully aware that although I definitely love my fiance, I don’t love love love him the way I know I’m capable of.

He, I’m pretty sure, does love love love me. I’m feeling trapped. I’m missing laughter. I’m feeling terrible. I’m not sure how to proceed or even what questions to ask myself.

April 6, 2020
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March 9, 2020