Her boyfriend’s not her BFF

I am only one person, but, if it makes you feel any better, I don’t care one bit that you’ve delegated the love and best-friend roles to two separate people instead of combining them into one.



November 30, 2020 - 9:24 AM

Hi, Carolyn: I have a “this bugs, I don’t know why it bugs, how to get it to stop bugging, please advise” question. So many people refer to their significant others as their best friend. That works for them, great! I am all for things that make my friends, and really anyone else, happy.

Carolyn HaxCourtesy photo

But they can’t seem to take this view of my relationship when I say that my boyfriend and my BFF are different people. BFF is a woman who is “my person,” to steal a phrase from “Grey’s Anatomy.” Boyfriend is my love. When I say this, when I refer to BFF as Best Friend and Boyfriend as not-Best Friend, you’d think I’d said that puppies were gross or something.

This reaction bugs me and I don’t know why. His not being my best friend doesn’t bother Boyfriend at all — I asked him about it. He said he knows we love each other and are important to each other, so he’s not hung up on labels. Which is very sensible.

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