Dear Carolyn: I suffer from depression that has been fairly well controlled until recently. The past couple of weeks, Im having a terrible episode, to where Im really not sure I want to go on living. I know I need to see a therapist, but Ive gone down the list of therapists in my insurance providers directory and I cant get anyone to return my calls. Ive called and left messages for over a dozen so far and I cant get an appointment.
I no longer live in the state where my original doctor was years ago, so I cant see her anymore. I cant afford to pay out of pocket. I dont have any friends or family who can or are willing to help me make calls and find someone.
It was so hard to get motivated to do this to begin with, and Im at the verge of just giving up entirely. Is there anything else I can do? At the Verge
Dear Verge: Im so sorry youre in the midst of a bad episode.
You can send a quick text to 741741 the Crisis Text Line to be connected to a volunteer staffer. Theres a more detailed explanation here: crisistextline.org/texting-in.
If you have suicidal thoughts, then please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, 1-800-273-8255. Keep the number handy. More information: suicidepreventionlifeline.org.
Dont wait for a therapist; call your primary care doctor. Right away. Request a sick appointment i.e., immediate get an evaluation, learn what treatment options you have while you look for a therapist.
Your regular doctor may also be able to get past barriers to your seeing a therapist. Ive experienced it myself: I call specialists, and theyre scheduling six months out; my doctors office calls for me, and Im in next week. Its not true every time, but enough to make it worth trying.
If you havent called your out-of-state original doctor, then do so. Some practitioners will do video consultations with prior patients.
If this is all too daunting health care is a lot to manage even for people who arent depressed pick one contact and try it now: your primary care physician if you have one, the crisis text line if you dont.
Finally, so important, dont let yourself forget that depression responds to treatment and you have managed yours successfully in the past. Do not treat as permanent a crisis that is temporary: It is a symptom of depression to believe it wont go away.
Take care, and trust yourself to get through this.
Re: Depression: I feel for the person struggling to find help because Ive been there. Depression has a way of making even the most basic tasks insurmountable. Frustrating tasks like finding a therapist are even worse.
I dont have any silver bullet, or even any actionable advice. I just want them to know they are not alone. That there are people who understand what you are going through. And I hope they can see that every time they make a call is a triumph over the illness. Some days, thats all you can handle, or you might not be able to handle even that much, and thats OK, too. Some days you have more spoons than others. Anonymous
