Dear Carolyn: As inappropriate as it feels to need a baby shower, my husband was just laid off and we, after several miscarriages, are finally expecting our first child in August.
My successful, established, younger sister very recently announced her upcoming nuptials at the end of the summer.
My mother just yesterday decided to no longer throw a baby shower for us until October at the earliest, yet I have been charged with organizing the bridal shower, set for two weeks prior to my due date.
Im feeling rather snubbed; however we have not shared my husbands current employment situation … because we know from experience we wont receive any temporary financial assistance from family.
How do I cope with these feelings of being overlooked? I wont even be able to afford a dress for her wedding, let alone anything for the baby.
I am still working but were already upside-down and eating through our savings trying to make rent and pay all our bills each month. I also would really like to nest for a spell. Overwhelmed and Coming Undone
Dear Overwhelmed: There are so many things I want to say.
I will start with this, because its quick: Theres no shame in your need for this baby shower. You deal with a layoff the best you can.
Second, but most important: Congratulations on your pregnancy, especially after so much heartbreak.
Your immediate family is your future and so is the appropriate place for you to steady yourself. Not only with the child you have coming, but with your marriage and home and what youre creating there.
A layoff and a financial squeeze and a twisted display of priorities from your family of origin? Theyre difficult and stressful. Theyre also circumstantial, though. You can outlast them.
In fact, if you squint a bit, you might be able to include your mom and sister and the showers and the weddings into a larger happy tableau of family marking the passage of time together.
Or you squint a lot, till your lids touch. Whatever it takes.
With your feet on this foundation, tend to the circumstantial things, starting with the bridal shower youve been assigned.
By saying no, flat-out. State the obvious: Youre adjusting to your husbands layoff dont hide it, just treat it as a matter of fact youre also working closer than youd like to your due date, and you may well be giving birth on the shower date.
Seriously. You always have the right to say no to any request, even perfectly reasonable ones, but this request is just perverse. Were going to celebrate you by throwing you a party!! … Ha ha, kidding, instead youre going to do all the work to celebrate someone else, right in the middle of your physically and emotionally transformative life event.
