How to help depressed friend

Yes, depressed friends can be boring and 'don't want to snap out of it.' Not every friendship survives the challenge.



March 20, 2020 - 3:47 PM

Carolyn HaxCourtesy photo

Hi, Carolyn: One of my friends is in the midst of a long funk. This is no slight period of the blues; this is full-on depression that she tells her friends about on a regular basis. She now is rejecting our invitations, ignoring our calls and wallowing at home every night, and she has an excuse for every suggestion we have when she vents to us.

While some of the girls are still trying to help her out of it, I am on the verge of giving up and realizing that perhaps she doesn’t want to snap out of it. I am blunt with her that her frank discussions with her therapist don’t seem to be doing the trick. I can’t help but feel guilty to give up on her, especially since other girls in the group of friends still are trying to help, yet I feel like it’s not in my nature to work for months to try to change someone who wants to wallow in unhappiness. She was very kind to me during a rough spell I had two years ago, so the guilt is multifaceted. What to do? — Perplexed Friend

Perplexed Friend: “Doesn’t want to snap out of it.” Wow. OK.

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