Hubby thinks his salary equals patriarchy

Both parents work full time, but he makes more money and expects her to take care of kids and housework.



March 27, 2020 - 3:24 PM

Carolyn HaxCourtesy photo

Hi, Carolyn: My spouse and I work full-time. He makes three times as much as I do. Recently we had an argument in which I asked him to help more around the house without me having to explicitly ask him to. His rebuttal was that he hates his job but feels like he has to stay there to finance our “lifestyle” and, therefore, should not be expected to contribute to general cleaning and upkeep. The bulk of the child-rearing duties is on me, because I earn significantly less.

He thinks my job isn’t as valuable. It’s a good salary for what I do, but doesn’t come near his six figures. I feel it’s unfair to blame me for his employment choices, on top of making me feel worthless. I’ve told him multiple times we can make it work if he wants to get a job he’s happier with. Those lifestyle standards are HIS, not mine.

I feel these are very fundamental differences between us. I always knew he had a much more patriarchal attitude. But this has gotten worse over time, especially when I took a new job where I am happier but have a more erratic schedule than at my previous jobs. He thinks a high salary is more important than personal happiness.

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