Husband’s affair will forever change wife

Trust takes time to earn back. Focus instead on trusting yourself.



February 24, 2020 - 9:39 AM

Carolyn Hax

Dear Carolyn: I am trying to work through the discovery of an extramarital affair on my husband’s part a few months ago. We have been married for over a decade, together over 15 years, and have a child together. I discovered his affair while trying to surprise him with a phone upgrade for Christmas, but I was the one who got the surprise … I had the phone when his 18-year-old, college freshman girlfriend texted him. I was completely taken aback and responded that this was his wife, I was here with his teenage daughter, and could she please tell me what was going on?

Long story short, she had no idea I didn’t know about her — he told her I was fine with it — OR that he had a child practically her own age. It was, needless to say, a very tense Christmas.

We’ve spent time in therapy and trying to work through this, but he’s taking his first work trip since I discovered this betrayal and I have no idea how to trust him while he’s away next week. What can I do? — Tense

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