She needs friends after leaving abusive marriage

Having left a 15-year marriage to an emotionally abusive spouse, she hopes to reconnect with friends. Kinder self-treatment is key to start to trust yourself again as you attempt to reach out, Carolyn Hax responds.



November 22, 2022 - 3:05 PM

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Dear Carolyn: I just left my 15-year marriage to a controlling and emotionally abusive spouse. The last few of those years, I had no energy, barely any for my two small kids, and definitely not for people who invited me to hang out. I blew all of them off, not even necessarily because of Spouse saying anything about me going out, just … I had nothing in the tank.

Now that I’ve left him, my energy level is through the roof. (Apparently, he was super exhausting!) I’m still getting no sleep — kids, remember — but, like, now I want to go to the parties. I want friends and buddies!

But I’m pretty sure no one wants to invite me out again, because I’ve been a flake for so long. How do I make it up to these people and get back into having a social life without coming off as pushy or desperate? — How to Mingle?

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