Their sympathy has become ‘almost unbearable’

A reader has declined to share distressing news because her friends have a tendency to become overbearing with expressions of sympathy.

Hi, Carolyn. I’m having major spine surgery in a few weeks, and my husband will need to have chemo during the time I’m recovering from surgery and can’t drive. I have good friends who I know will help with the driving and other logistical issues. I haven’t told a couple of these people about the chemo yet because I don’t know how to handle their probable responses — lots of calls and texts with praying hands emojis, caring but almost unbearable words of sympathy. I know they mean well, and I don’t want to hurt their feelings. I just need some emotional space right now. I already put my phone on “do not disturb” much of the day and try to respond to texts late at night when I don’t think they’ll answer right away.

Is there anything I can say to ward off all this cloying communication, without hurting feelings and pushing people completely away? I truly appreciate their friendship, I just can’t think about this all day, every day.

— Anonymous

Already a subscriber? Log in

Username or Email Address

Password

Remember Me

View subscription options