Dear Carolyn: Three months ago I got engaged. My fiance is wonderful, we’re both thrilled and excited, and our families are, too. My mom is very excited to talk about wedding stuff, but she has a tendency to be kind of pushy and stubborn when she gets something in her head.
She has now decided I should want to lose weight for my wedding. The other day, she made a comment about how I should start dieting now to “look good for my wedding.” I thought it was kind of an offhand comment, but when I expressed to her that it was a stupid thing to say, she doubled down, saying I need to be a size 10, or even better a size 8 — which I’ve never been in my life — for my wedding. I’m currently a size 14. She says if I don’t lose weight, I won’t find a wonderful wedding dress.
My body image has been a big problem for me for most of my life. I developed issues as a chubby kid, and struggled with an eating disorder in my teens, until I sought professional help in college. I have been in recovery since then, but I still have a not-great relationship with food. And I did gain some weight this year, and am working on losing it through healthy eating and exercise, but the idea of a “diet” is toxic for me.