When Iolan Kari Miller wanted to start a private therapy practice last year, it was her daughter, Bethany, a sixth-grader, who shifted into the role of therapist to help Miller find the right name.
Well, Mom, what do you want people to feel when they come to see you? Bethany asked.
I want them to feel a little playful, even if theyre adults. I want them to feel safe and I want them to feel secure.
And where do you feel like that, or where did you feel like that when you were a kid?
The answer, Miller realized, was obvious: A blanket fort.
She remembers gathering blankets, sheets and clothespins to build forts. And as a parent, she sometimes let her children keep their blanket forts intact for days. For Christmas one year she gave her son, Jon, now a college freshman, a blanket fort kit.
Its not surprising, then, that Miller named her practice Blanket Fort Therapy and that Miller uses play activities as part of her therapy. Miller recently earned the Registered Play Therapist credential from the Association for Play Therapy.
As a play therapist, Miller uses a variety of theories and techniques to better communicate with clients.
She specializes in helping people, especially children, cope with trauma. A general rule of thumb is that a child who has been through trauma has an emotional age about half of their chronological age. For example, a 10-year-old would describe his emotions using the language of a 5-year-old.
Kids too often dont have words to describe their emotions, especially kids who have been through a trauma, she explained.
Play can provide a safe way for children to express those emotions without words.
Creativity resides in the brain on the same side as emotions, whereas words are in a different area. With play, I can tap into what they are emotionally feeling without them having to struggle to get the words out. We can process everything thats going on without adding a layer of This is hard and I dont have the words for this.
She pointed to a plastic bop bag, similar to a punching bag. A child might punch the bag, and shell encourage them to talk about it. If the child can verbalize the words angry or mad, shell work to see if they can dig into what may be behind those emotions.
Often angry or mad is a cover for something else, and if were having a good day maybe we can get to sad or frustrated.
Another example is helping children whose parents are divorcing. Miller sets up two playhouses, and talks about what a child does at Mommys house and Daddys house. She helps them realize those two places may be different, but they feel loved and safe at both.
Playtime looks a little different as a child ages. Older children may be more interested in arts and crafts. A child can cut out ribbons and write something they are good at on each ribbon, forming a chain of self-esteem. They might cut out paper dolls and write the names of people who love and care for them on each doll.
