Our youngest recently had us over for a family meal. Because she worked as an early elementary teacher and once a teacher always a teacher she had planned every detail from the menu and the serving dishes to how long we would have for recess.
It was lovely.
But none of us will remember that it was lovely. What we will remember is the exploding ham.
The ham did not explode while we were eating, it exploded later that evening long after the meal was finished.
We were home when she called, all out of breath and talking so fast I could hardly understand her. I thought she was yelling, Dont eat the ham! Dont eat the ham!
When she could talk without hyperventilating, she explained that they warmed up the ham in the microwave and it began sparking and exploding.
She wanted to know if the ham shed sent home with us sparked, too.
Naturally, I got it out and threw it in the microwave. Five seconds … 10 seconds … 11 seconds … At the 12-second mark it began arcing, shooting sparks and popping like firecrackers. Then I started hyperventilating and shrieking just like she was.
Whats going on out there? the husband called from the other room.
He tends to get excited when I torch things in the kitchen, so I calmly said, Nothing. Im just warming up your dinner.
Back on the phone, our daughter wailed, My children ate exploding ham!
Calm down, I said. Im sure theyre fine. But all the same, keep them away from the microwave.
I raced to Google to inquire why ham might explode in the microwave.
The first nugget I found said the problem was that we had not removed all the buckshot.
Not helpful.
