Dear Carolyn: When I was about 20, I got my girlfriend pregnant. She was 23 and wanted the baby whereas I was not ready to be a father, so she broke up with me and had the baby pretty much on her own. Her family helped her, and she didnt ask me for child support until I graduated college and had a steady job.
Still, it was a burden on my entry-level salary and I resented both her and my daughter, so I wasnt an involved father. To explain myself to my family and others who knew I had a daughter I hardly saw, I made up stories about how horrible and crazy my ex was and how it was all her fault.
I know that was cruel and cowardly, but it was hard to backtrack.
My ex contacted me last year to let me know she had a terminal illness. As a new father to a year-old son, I saw I couldnt let my 18-year-old daughter, Lynn, go through that alone, so I reconnected with her, made peace with my ex and have been trying to make amends.