Dear Carolyn: I just relocated to a new city, as did a college friend. She doesn’t own a car, and because we’re often at the same events, she will ask me for rides. I’ve agreed out of obligation a few times, and now I’m worried this is becoming a habit that will add up in gas expenses and time (i.e. driving out of my way when I have to get up early the next morning for work). I can’t figure out whether I’m being totally selfish and should just suck it up and drive her, or whether I’m right in feeling uncomfortable with the new status quo. As a nonconfrontational people-pleaser, how do I tell her, “I can’t drive you this time” when there’s no real excuse?
— Designated Driver?
Designated Driver?: No, it’s not selfish to be uncomfortable with being taken for granted.