Let your daughter worry about her weight

A parent is concerned that a grown daughter has gained too much weight. Innocuous comments have brought a harsh reaction; more pointed ones will be received even more harshly, Carolyn Hax warns.



August 19, 2022 - 2:29 PM

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Dear Carolyn: Our daughter, 30, is good at her consulting work, intelligent and happy in a relationship. She suffered an accident that affected her state of mind many months ago but fully recovered.

We’ve noticed, however, on the past few visits that she has gained a lot of weight. She snacks a lot and also drinks rather heavily, though her body tolerates the alcohol. We’re concerned, because these things can affect her health, her budget (buying larger clothes), her relationship, her looks and self-esteem, etc. We’re fairly sure she would prefer not to be this size, but she doesn’t address it — quite the opposite.

We aren’t sure whether she realizes how much larger she has become. She is very sensitive, sometimes perceiving innocuous general comments as criticism. Is there a creative way to encourage her to address her weight for her own well-being without upsetting her? Or should we just keep our mouths shut? — Wondering About Weight

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