Only one of them knew their romance was an affair

A former girlfriend, who unwittingly served as the "other woman" in a long-distance romance, wants nothing to do with the cheating partner. How she responds in the future is entirely up to her, Carolyn Hax notes.



October 31, 2022 - 3:18 PM

Photo by

Dear Carolyn: I ended a long-distance relationship in a terrible way: by falling in love with someone else while my girlfriend was on the other side of the world; having an affair; and lying to both my partner and the new flame. I went to see my partner and ended it, then came clean to the mistress, who quite understandably wanted nothing to do with me.

I went through a period of intense self-reflection, got my life back into some semblance of order and eventually was taken back by the mistress. Although our reunion was intense and love was professed, she told me we still had serious trust issues to work through.

Then I had to go overseas for a month for work. We stayed in almost constant touch, and hopes were running high. The week before I came home, she told me she still didn’t trust me, could never trust me and didn’t want to see me again.

December 2, 2022
July 7, 2020
September 26, 2019
August 13, 2019