Among the many responsibilities entrusted to the elementary school counselor, here’s just one scenario she might inhabit on any given day.
A first-grader is referred to the counselor’s office. His parents are getting a divorce. He’s only 6; he doesn’t know what divorce means, not really. But he knows it isn’t good. He knows they won’t all be living together anymore. He can’t stop thinking about it. Even when he’s at school, it’s on his mind. He sometimes starts crying in class when he remembers.
“First of all,” explained Rochelle Kohlmeier, the district’s new kindergarten through second-grade counselor, from her office at Jefferson Elementary, “in a situation like that, I wouldn’t sit like we are now, with a desk between us. I don’t want that barrier.” Her classroom-sized office is a kaleidoscope of primary colors — pint-sized chairs and tables are scattered about, paper lanterns dangle from the ceiling, there are plenty of areas to play. “When they come in here to talk to me, I always let them pick where they want to sit and what they want to do. I go to them. Some kids are very good at articulating their feelings and telling you what’s going on. Other kids you need to engage with activities and keep them busy, and then they’ll start telling you things without actually realizing it. … Especially kids at this age — they’re so innocent, so honest.”
It’s difficult to know what you could tell this hypothetical little boy that might ease his mind.
Mostly, you let them do the talking,” said Kohlmeier. “You listen to their feelings. The big thing is guilt. Every kid whose parents have ever been divorced thinks it’s their fault. You let them know that it has nothing to do with anything they’ve done. That’s a huge relief when kids understand that divorce isn’t their fault. …They can’t fix mom and dad, but how can they help themselves? …You let them know that it’s OK to be sad, everybody gets sad when their home life changes.”
Mercifully, attending to students’ emotional distress represents only a sliver of what Kohlmeier is tasked with doing on a daily basis. The first-year counselor splits her time between McKinley Elementary School and Jefferson. There are 15 classes between the two schools, and Kohlmeier — besides welcoming students into her office on an individual basis — will provide regular lesson plans to all of the district’s K-2 classes. Much of the focus there, explains Kohlmeier, is on “character education”: how to be a good listener, how to be a good friend, when to say “no,” how to deal with conflict.
A side benefit of offering these schoolwide lessons is that the students get to know Kohlmeier, and so feel more at ease seeking her out on their own should they ever need her.
“At this age, the counselor is still a rock star,” joked Kohlmeier. “When you get a little older, it can be embarrassing, students don’t want to admit that they went and talked to the counselor. … What I try to make clear to them is that I’m not part of the administration, I’m not a disciplinarian. The kids are not coming to me for punishment. They come to me for comfort.”
KOHLMEIER received her master’s degree in counseling from Emporia State University in 2004. But she didn’t join the workforce immediately; she wanted to start a family of her own. Kohlmeier and her husband live in Garnett, Kohlmeier’s hometown, where they are raising two daughters and a son. It was important for her to be there, at home, when her children were small, said Kohlmeier.
“And sometimes you feel like you’re a parent here at school, too,” continued Kohlmeier, who is a gifted communicator with a warm demeanor, and someone who understands the true gravity of her job. “You’re sort of helping to raise many of these kids, especially the ones that aren’t getting what they need at home.” In addition to her role as counselor, Kohlmeier is the coordinator for the school’s “backpack program,” which sends poor, chronically hungry kids home with a bag of nutritious, easy-to-prepare food intended to see that child through the weekend. “The main thing with all of this is that you’re trying to break the cycle. You want them to know that life doesn’t have to be like this for them always, that it’s not normal — and you’re trying to show them the good in the world, so that they can see that there really is another way.”
But it’s important to keep the statistics in perspective. “There are definitely some sad cases,” said Kohlmeier, “but, for the most part, little kids are just — well, they’re just really, really happy.”
