Daughter doesn’t want to be grandchild factory

“We’re all hurting, Mom. It’s awful. I can’t make it better for us, though, by having a child. I can’t and I won’t, because I do not want to be a parent. And because our family’s grief and my future are separate things. Please respect my decision, even if you don’t like it or understand it, and stop asking me when I’ll have kids.”



October 27, 2020 - 10:05 AM

Hi, Carolyn: I have begun to get more questions about dating and settling down, because my parents are desperate for grandchildren.

I think it’s magnified by some unresolved grief around my younger brother’s death recently. I used to be able to brush it off with, “I can knock that out for you right now, I just need some drinking money,” or, “I can barely take care of the dogs,” but I think my parents see me approaching 30 and think of the opportunity lost with my brother.

I’ve outright said I don’t want children and added a fun joke about global warming. My mother’s response was, “Well, if you adopt, they’re already here, so they’re stuck when the Earth melts anyway.”

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November 27, 2020