Dear Carolyn: I havent spoken to my husbands parents since a week after our wedding. Several things happened that caused increasing tension, including: my mother-in-law blowing up at me when I articulated concern about a racially insensitive comment (I made several olive-branch attempts to reason with her on the importance of my speaking up); my father-in-law dramatically suggesting they not come to the wedding (for reasons we could not determine); and my mother-in-law uttering the morning after the wedding, Now you dont have to worry about me trying to convince [my son] not to marry you anymore.
When my husband and I asked for clarification about this not jumping to conclusions my in-laws turned to gaslighting and said they did not want to speak to me until I dealt with my insecurity.
I have since opted out of interactions with them and, except for relatively transactional information-sharing, my husband has as well. Given his lifetime of being close with them, this has been very difficult for him, and I empathize.