Fiance pressuring her to change her name

“Society” isn’t forcing you to do it. It’s disheartening that he’s okay with your paying a significant personal price to feed an “on paper” standard that is decades past being standard.



April 3, 2020 - 2:50 PM

Dear Carolyn: My fiance and I have been butting heads regarding changing my last name. I have the typical arguments for not wanting to change it, for my career, but it is complicated by the fact I work for a large multinational organization and have spent close to a decade building my career in this organization under this name. I am also the last in my family to have my maiden name, and we believe it will die off with me. 

Carolyn HaxCourtesy photo

My fiance does not sympathize and believes it is because I don’t want to go through the hassle of going to court, changing all my documents, etc., and he argues that if society forced the male to change their name, he would do it, no questions asked. 

He acknowledges that short of putting a gun to my head, he can’t actually make me do anything, but he is quite upset we will not “look like a family” on paper. I am unsure of what else to tell him. Help? — Name

March 5, 2021
September 19, 2019
May 23, 2019
May 1, 2018