He doesn’t seem to want commitment

"It’s bull in the utter bloodlessness of it all. Are you emotional partners, the closest people in each other’s worlds, the sole occupants in the innermost circle of intimacy? Or are you contestants in a suspenseful contest, strategizing to see whether you’ll win a marriage certificate and a baby and still keep most of your personal goals intact."



February 2, 2021 - 4:16 PM

Dear Carolyn: “Ryan” and I got together eight years ago, at the tail end of college. I moved to D.C. to be with him while he started law school and have built a career and a little community for myself here. I believed we would eventually get married, but after asking him about it a couple of times last year, I think he does not want to deal with it anytime soon. But I am 30 and want kids. I told him I should probably move out and explore my options, and his immediate response was, “No, we can talk about marriage this year. We will probably get engaged next year.”

My gut tells me this is just an effort to preserve the comfortable life we have together, but I am tempted to accept it, because eight years feels like so many sunk costs. I have friends who complain daily about the dearth of available dating options. What to do next?

— Sunk Costs

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