Is boyfriend’s dynamic with colleague a red flag?

"Calling it a red flag elevates it to the serious-discussion-about-your-feelings level. This is better dealt with at the 'Pick up that phone one more time and it’s going in your martini' level."



June 29, 2020 - 8:04 AM

Hi, Carolyn: My boyfriend is always putting his female colleague before me — they travel together a lot, even share an apartment (two bedrooms) when they do, and when he’s with me he always takes her calls, even if we’re away on holiday, even if we’re sitting down to drinks or lunch, even if she rings him four times in a row because she’s bored while waiting to board a flight!

Carolyn HaxCourtesy photo

I get upset because I feel disrespected. He says, “Don’t worry, it’s you that I love. But she’s an artist so she has a big ego” and he needs to “treat her with kid gloves.”

I said I’d rather have his respect than his so-called “love.” I mean, what’s love without respect? Should I be seeing red flags?

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