Adapted from an online discussion.
Dear Carolyn: If I had to rate my marriage, I would give it a B. I don’t want to have a B marriage, but I have toddler kids. The thought of putting them through a divorce is like a punch to the gut. I’m a child of divorced parents, and it exploded my childhood. If I would jump in front of a bullet for my kids, then why shouldn’t I stay in a B marriage for them? It’s a happy home; their dad is a wonderful man and father, he’s just not my wonderful man. Help me see through this. — B.
B.: This is a lot of what with not a lot of why.
Were there some A feelings before the toddlers? Might they return when you stop having toddlers (which is just really hard)? Are there obstacles that therapy could clear? And … well, I’m not comfortable with the whole “stay in a marriage for the kids” thing, though the potential trauma for your kids obviously factors into any decisions.
I don’t have enough even to guess whether this is a wait-it-out or get-out moment, so I’ll say therapy, solo, to help you with your vision.