Mom blames herself for lack of grandkids

A reader's mother unfairly blames herself for the reader's body weight issues tied to an eating disorder, and subsequent lack of wanting kids. Carolyn Hax says she should be firm in reminding her mother that any decisions are hers to make; not a needy grandparent.



November 30, 2022 - 1:50 PM

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Dear Carolyn: I do not ever remember having a healthy relationship with food. Neither did my mother. She grew up obese and later yo-yo dieted her whole life to try to maintain her weight. She was terrified that I would be fat and taught me that food was something to be feared. In college, away from her watchful eye, I did gain a lot of weight. After college, I only became thin again through bulimia; finally, an ER doctor persuaded me to get help. Through years of therapy, I was able to get a handle on things, but maintaining a healthy weight takes more energy and vigilance than most people would believe.

My mom feels really badly about this and blames herself, but I know she did the best she could while dealing with her own eating disorder.

I’m serious with my boyfriend now, and the question of children has come up. I don’t see how I could ever be relaxed around my children regarding food. Also, there’s no question that eating disorders run in my family; my cousins all have weight issues, and two have had diagnosed eating disorders.

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