Tell Me About It
Dear Carolyn: My best friend from college is one of the most honest and loyal people you could ever meet. Shes an amazing attorney, a devoted mom, a very good friend and a really mean wife. She and her husband are visiting me right now and its painful to hear the scathing tone she uses with her husband and the constant stream of criticism and orders she directs at him. It seems to be all about control and putting him down, right in front of me and my partner. Her husband is annoying and has his own faults, but no one deserves to be treated this way.
I love my friend but this has concerned me for a long time; theyve been married four years. Im convinced that if I bring it up I will hurt her and risk the relationship. But it also feels wrong to be a silent witness and if I cant talk to her about this, who will? What should I do, and how should I do it? Conflict-Averse but Concerned Friend
Answer: Youve answered half of your own question (thank you, by the way):
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