New mom needs a Mother’s Day break



May 7, 2019 - 10:00 AM

Dear Carolyn: This will be my first Mother’s Day as a mom, and I’m already not enjoying it due to the pressure I feel to balance time with my husband and baby, time with my own mom, and time with my in-laws — including both my husband’s mom and his stepmom, who cannot be grouped together. Everyone is local, so there’s no card-or-phone-call-easy-way-out fix.

My husband is fine with disappointing pretty much anyone except me and wants us to just shut ourselves in to celebrate alone on Sunday, but I would feel terrible doing that to our moms. My mom and mother-in-law have already both called me to try to parcel out my time — really the baby’s time — but if I say yes to everything they’ve requested, I’m left without a moment of downtime all weekend, and barely any time to be alone with my own new family.

I know it won’t be like this every year, since the landscape of the family will shift and the newness of the baby will wear off, but I feel so depressed thinking about how a day that’s supposed to make me and others feel good is inevitably going to lead to someone’s feelings of disappointment or overexertion or rejection. Do you have any good suggestions? — Balancing

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