Dear Carolyn: My son and his fiancée bought a condo close to us, which then flooded. They moved in with us and repairs have taken longer than anticipated.
His fiancée, Laura, is an intense introvert. For that reason, I gave up my exercise, TV and craft room for her to have her alone time.
The problem? She feels trapped when she must eat at the table with us. He just informed us tonight. I do the dishes and clean the kitchen to release the tension, but its obvious, she would rather eat in the bedroom or not eat. My son is fine with eating with us.
I really dont want anyone eating in other rooms due to roaches, ants, mice, rats, etc. And I certainly dont want to make Laura feel trapped. I was even told she hated family get-togethers before they moved in. It seems this is an extreme introversion, or maybe I just dont understand it. Please advise. Anonymous
Answer: You actually dont need to understand it.
You dont even need to accommodate it, technically, since its your home.
It would help if you could do both to some degree, of course, but only to demonstrate compassion versus prostrate yourself to the point of resentment.
In this case, just say:
Youre sorry to hear Laura isnt comfortable;
Shes welcome to handle her meals as she wishes, of course;
And shes always welcome at your table.
Thats it. Donesies.
Its not personal so dont take it personally; its not your business so dont make it so.
The vermin thing would make it your business because its your home, sure, but that concern is also a red herring unless Laura is a messy eater and/or leaves crusty dishes around.
So, drop it. Drop it all. Your best chance that shell be comfortable with you eventually is for you to be at ease with and make things easy for her.
