Woman struggles with parents’ shortcomings

As you settle into this new awareness I suggest not getting into a detailed accounting of your parents’ flaws against the accrued balances of your filial piety or admiration.
Instead, I hope you’ll question the admiration, the “looked up [to]” part, itself.



October 23, 2020 - 1:08 PM

Hi, Carolyn: I have been going to therapy. It was originally for postpartum anxiety, but my therapist and I have uncovered a family dynamic with my parents that has upset me but that I hadn’t been able to identify or name. It was a jolt of recognition to see the pieces put together into the picture of our dynamic.

Carolyn HaxCourtesy photo

It’s so ingrained, it won’t change. (I’m in my 40s.) Do you have any advice on how to accept the limitations/frailties/flaws of people, like parents, to whom we have always looked up? I am so disappointed in them . . . and it’s fresh.

I keep thinking if I had to write a eulogy tomorrow, I would have trouble with it.

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