Adapted from a recent online discussion.
Dear Carolyn: My son is a wonderful young man, but there was one thing we butted heads on all four years of high school: He wanted to play football, and I wouldnt let him.
Well, he just informed me that he plans to play intramural football at his university. I called the school and they confirmed there is a student-run tackle football program, and there is no parental permission required to participate.
My first impulse is to tell him that if hes going to play football, then hes on his own for paying for college, but I fear he would respond by saying, Fine, Ill get student loans, and go right on ahead playing football and putting himself in debt for school, which I dont think is wise. Am I running out of options here or is there a good option Im not seeing? Not Seeing It
There is an excellent option, one so enormous that I cant believe its not blocking your driveway: Let. Go.
He is an adult making adult decisions now.
Yes, you pay his tuition, but using that for leverage is for real emergencies, like hes running a crime syndicate out of his dorm room. Football is a sport. Dangerous, yes, but a sport nonetheless, meaning it involves fitness, teamwork, a release from more serious things. And its a sport beloved, as it happens, by those who play it. The risk of injury is serious, particularly as a matter of repetition and accumulation, and especially on youthful bodies so parents rightly can, and in increasing numbers do, veto it for their minor children.
Full disclosure, we told our boys no to any tackle football before high school, to allow both their bodies and their critical-thinking skills to develop before taking this on. (All reached 9th grade and opted out.)
But remember, youth football still exists so some parents are reading the news and still saying yes for their kids. Its informed risk, not a meth lab in the frat house.
And its not alone in the risky column: Skiing is dangerous, too, as is diving into pools, and riding in cars, and overeating, and loneliness, and overdoing social media, and walking through grasses in tick season. Being fearful is a risk. Being too compliant is a risk.
Add all this up, and you arent running out of options; youre clean out, except to promise youll leave him alone if he watches Concussion with you. Then leave him alone regardless. He wants to play so he plays.
Re: No parental permission required: Goodness I hope not. Its a college campus, not an elementary school with a field trip to the museum. That statement alone makes me think you truly dont understand what higher education is for. Hint: Its not just about educating your child; its one of many experiences that help usher children into adulthood. Anonymous
Re: Football: The son respected the mothers wishes in high school. He didnt have to tell her he was going to play intramural football in college. The fact that he did shows what a good relationship they have. The path of no football or else is the fastest way I can think of for that mother/son dynamic to break. Respect
