Hi, Carolyn: I am half of a married gay couple. My husband and I are backing out of an adoption scheduled to go through this winter. When we got married, I was 50/50 on having a child and he was totally on Team “Let’s Just Be DINKs,” but I began to want a kid more so we did the application.
Things have since changed, and I don’t want a baby anymore. I have come around to my husband’s point and prefer to focus on each other and our careers. That’s about as selfish a reason as exists for backing out, but it is the reason, and we are not leaving a particular child in the lurch (we would never do that).
I find myself unable to admit to friends we’re backing out, so we are lying by omission to a lot of them. Is there a defensible way to explain that we have decided against having a child?