Relationships take effort, but she’s not sure she’s capable

Boyfriend is supportive, but she wants to focus on developing her future without his influence. She needs to be more confident to make it work.



March 25, 2020 - 9:47 AM

Carolyn Hax

Dear Carolyn: My boyfriend and I are in our early 20s and in a long-distance relationship for 1½ years. He’s my first major love and relationship. We compromised our plans to align with each other’s.

Now our current (tentative) plan is to move in together after my PhD is done and his business settles. He’s very supportive, and I’m happy with him.

However, I’m not sure if I’m ready for a relationship. I’ve lost myself as I put so much energy, time and effort into our relationship instead of investing in myself. I’m emotional and not as productive or disciplined as I was. I don’t know how to balance myself, as this is my first relationship. I’m not sure if a relationship is good for me or if I’m ready to be in one, because I’m starting out my career/life and now I’m so distracted.

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