When that ‘no kids’ rule is flexibile

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June 13, 2019 - 10:11 AM

Hi, Carolyn: Is there anything to be gained from talking to an ex who said he never wanted children, and absolutely refused to have them, about why he changed his mind? We dated for several years and split over this. I wanted children and, as we are both men, it would have required full buy-in by both of us. He said he did not see that happening.

I’ve moved on and am dating someone with whom I plan to adopt. Meanwhile, I learned that he and his partner have a child — born by surrogate, probably biologically linked to one of them. I feel this renders unresolved a long chapter in my life.

I want to talk to him about it, and I have the distance and access to have a healthy conversation. Yet I’m not sure I want to hear that it wasn’t parenthood he wasn’t keen on, it was parenthood WITH ME. Is this fair to pursue? — Anything to Gain?

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