On Nov. 3, 2013, my world stopped.
Just days before my husband, U.S. Army Sgt. 1st Class Forrest Robertson, was set to return home from his fifth deployment, I received the news he had been killed in action while serving his country in Afghanistan.
The love of my life and father to my three beautiful children was suddenly gone, and I had become a widow.
As a military spouse for 12 years, I was not a stranger to odd military rules.
That next February, I learned that every year I would have to fill out paperwork so that my children and I could continue receiving our Department of Defense and Department of Veterans Affairs benefits our family had earned through my husband’s service.
As part of that paperwork and just three months after losing Forrest, I was asked to answer the most preposterous question I had ever been asked: Have you remarried?
Remarriage was the last thing on my mind. All I cared about was supporting my children as we navigated surviving the next day, week, month and year with this massive hole in our lives.
But in my 13 years of navigating grief, I’ve learned that I can answer that question, this time with a whole new perspective.
Six years after Forrest died, I met Nelson and fell in love again. Despite judgment from those who have not walked a step in our shoes, Nelson has remained committed to supporting me and has become the father figure my children have been missing.
Unfortunately, surviving spouses who remarry before the age of 55 lose many of their VA and DOD benefits — benefits the nation provides to the families of our fallen service members.
This forces families like mine to choose between the financial security we have earned through our loss and attempting to rebuild our lives.
Not knowing where to turn, I started working with the nonprofit Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors and started reaching out to my local representatives in Congress, which is how Sen. Jerry Moran from my husband’s and my home state of Kansas heard our family’s story.
He saw how unfair this was and introduced the Love Lives On Act in the Senate to end this penalty.
By removing the penalties for remarriage, this bipartisan legislation does more than just ease financial burdens. It honors the truth that no one can replace a fallen service member, nor erase the grief of a life cut short because of their service to our country.
Despite its widespread bipartisan support, this legislation has failed to pass Congress in full because of its associated costs, until now.
Political theater instead of saving lives
