Dear Carolyn: My mother-in-law is 75 and in great shape, yay. She’s also a fat-shamer, harping endlessly on diet and exercise — at least once a day, every day when we visit — and saying things like fat kids are better off dead than living with their health problems. At her brother’s funeral she marveled out loud at the weight gain of the sister-in-law. We were told to pack workout clothes because forced gym workouts on their guest pass are a thing now.
My husband writes all of this off as harmless because she never insults anyone directly to their face. I am at a loss for what to do. I can’t even leave the room, because I just know she’s inwardly criticizing the size of my butt as I walk away. Any advice?
— At a Loss
At a Loss: Which is worse:
1. Saying, “Fat kids are better off dead than living with their health problems”?! (Omg.)
Or:
2. Declaring her “harmless” because her insults aren’t “to their face.”
Please, please tell him it is not harmless to you: It upsets and disgusts you and ruins visits because it’s pathologically cruel.
Then opt out of spending time with this Hydra. Please, for your own well-being, explaining to your husband exactly why. Unless he has some other way to address it that he’s willing to take on.
You can leave the room, too, by the way. Anything she says about your butt only proves she is one herself, in addition to proving your point.
Re: Fat-shamer: It’s a two-step plan: 1.”Wow.” 2. Walk away. P.S. Your butt looks great.
— Anonymous
Anonymous: Thanks! Oh, wait.
Dear Carolyn: My sister is expecting her first baby. The father is only marginally involved, though he lives nearby. Commitment issues. For the whole two years they’ve been together, including the time she’s been pregnant, they have a routine going where:
1. They share some blissful experience, leaving her sure they’re going to get married;
